Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
