I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
