The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
