So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i've created a new STD.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is Oprah even human
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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