It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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