there's paper in my vomit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
