Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
