Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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