Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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