just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
