Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
