I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
