You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so let's talk penis.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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