My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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