Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do vagina's smell?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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