Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
