then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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