fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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