I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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