That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
