Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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