eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
