Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
