I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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