Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
