Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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