I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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