I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
