Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize