And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
