Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
