I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
