my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
