went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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