Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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