Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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