i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
