No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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