I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
