I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
