I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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