Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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