your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
