This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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