i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
