I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize