My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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