he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
