whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
