I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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