she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i love accidental penises.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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