yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
