i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
