i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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