Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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