Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
