Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
