Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
