i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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