Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
