I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
