How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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