omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
