Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
