Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
