Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
