took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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