You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
