my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
