doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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