I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
