I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
