You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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